Stoplight ABCs: Awareness

In this episode, Stoplight trainer Sarah Ganger discusses the building blocks of emotional intelligence, starting with awareness.

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Transcript

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Welcome back to The Stoplight Approach Podcast, where brain science is made simple. I am your host, Sarah Ganger. In our first episode, we talked about what The Stoplight Approach is and why it matters. If you missed it, I would encourage you to go back and listen. It is helpful to have as a foundation for our episode today.

 As we have said before, The Stoplight Approach is based on the latest research in brain science. Researchers like Dr. Daniel Siegel, Dr. Ross Greene, Dr. Tina Payne Bryson and the late Dr. Karyn Purvis are a just a few of the people whose research has given us so much insight into how relationships affect the brain. In addition, The Stoplight Approach is also based on the research of Harvard University professor Dr. Daniel Goleman and his book Emotional Intelligence. Dr. Goleman’s landmark 25-year study on Harvard University graduates revealed that the most important indicator of success in life is not a person’s IQ as might be assumed at first. Rather, the study found that the most influential marker of success in life is a person’s EQ, or their level of emotional intelligence.

Dr. Goleman laid out 5 areas of emotional intelligence that he discovered in his research. In The Stoplight Approach, we simplify these areas by remembering our ABCs. Today, we will be discussing the first of these areas, the A in The Stoplight Approach, which stands for Awareness.

In our last episode, we looked at how The Stoplight Approach associates the different parts of the brain with the different colours of a traffic light or Stoplight. Awareness begins with understanding more about each part of the brain and growing in understanding of what it looks like and feels like to be working, living and relating from that part of our brain.

Let’s look at Red Brain first. In the Stoplight Approach, the brain stem is called the Red Brain. This is the part of our brain that is responsible for keeping us alive and safe. It keeps our lungs breathing, our heart beating, our digestion running, etc. It also alerts us when there is danger and sends a signal to our body to do one of three things: “Fight. Flight. Or Freeze.” Fight is often one of the easiest to recognize. People in Red Brain who are having a fight response may yell, throw things, slam doors, stomp around or push, hit or kick. People in Red Brain who are having a flight response may run away, leave the room or the building, even get in a car and drive away. People in Red Brain who are having a freeze response may look like they are stuck, stunned or emotionally paralyzed, unable to think clearly or formulate a response, appearing to withdraw and ignore everyone and everything around them. A person who is operating in Red Brain has very little ability to access empathy because the brain using most of its power to keep itself safe. Red Brain moments have physical markers as well – a person’s heart will beat faster and breathing become more shallow and rapid while a person is in Red Brain. Muscles throughout the body tense and clench. It is important to remember that Red Brain can look different for different people and to consider which one of these responses most accurately describes yourself when you are overwhelmed with stress and feeling afraid. Becoming AWARE of our Red Brain responses and what Red Brain looks like for us is the first step in developing a more emotionally intelligent way of relating.

Next, let’s look at Yellow Brain. In the Stoplight Approach, the limbic system is called the Yellow Brain. This is the part of our brain that is responsible for emotions and letting us know about needs such as hunger, thirst, movement, exhaustion, etc. Because Yellow Brain is in charge of such a wide variety of alerts, it can sometimes be hard to recognize what our Yellow Brain is trying to let us know. Yellow Brain responses, like Red Brain responses, can also look very different person to person. A person in Yellow Brain might seem anxious, distracted, overwhelmed, stressed, tired, irritable or nervous. Or perhaps a person could appear “jumpy” or “overexcited.” This is one of the most challenging things about Yellow Brain. It has such a wide variety of ways that it can manifest, which can make it a bit trickier to identify. The most important thing, once again, is to begin paying attention so that we can become AWARE of these feelings when they arise in our brain and body. It is only once we become aware of these sensations that we can begin to understand what our brain is trying to let us know and meet the needs that it is communicating.

It is important to remember at this point that Red Brain and Yellow Brain are like alarms. And, just like a smoke alarm, they are good and necessary because they help to keep us safe and get our needs met. At the same time, it is possible for our Red Brain and Yellow Brain to become overactive, sending alert signals when there is actually nothing dangerous happening. The act of becoming AWARE of these signals, noticing how often and for what reasons they are happening, is the first step in helping the Yellow and Red Brain become more accurate in the alerts that they send.

Finally, let’s take a look at Green Brain. In the Stoplight Approach, the prefrontal cortex is called the Green Brain. This is the part of our brain that does the “heavy lifting” when it comes to higher level thinking. The Green Brain allows us to access language, problem-solving, planning, strategy, cooperation, collaboration, listening, empathy, creativity and more. When in Green Brain, a person is able to see a situation from another person’s perspective and respond with empathy and compassion. A person can work in a team, listening to the feedback of a teammate and incorporating ideas from all voices. A person can ask questions and listen from a posture of curiosity rather than judgement. A person can learn, figure out solutions to problems and create incredible things. A person can laugh, talk, and enjoy the presence of others.

The first step in The Stoplight Approach is A for AWARENESS because it is only when we become aware of our three different brain states and how much time we spend in each one that we can begin to develop an understanding of how our brain is affecting us and our relationships.

As always, I want to close this episode with a simple practice that you can take with you into your week. I would like to encourage you to get a sheet of paper or the page of a journal and red, yellow and green markers, pens, crayons or pencils. If you don’t have various colours of writing instruments, just use a regular pen or pencil. I would encourage you to consider your past 24-48 hours. Just take a moment to recall the events and circumstances of the last couple of days. Now, try to recall your thoughts, feelings, words and actions in the midst of all the activity of the past couple of days.

As you recall these memories, try to estimate how much time you spent in Red Brain, in Yellow Brain and in Green Brain in the past two days. Now, draw your own Stoplight with ed circle on top, a yellow circle in the middle and a green circle on the bottom. Make the size of each circle match as closely as possible to the estimated amount of time that you spent in Red Brain, Yellow Brain and Green Brain in the last couple of days. If you don’t have different colours, just label your top circle “Red”, your middle circle “yellow” and your bottom circle “green”. After you have drawn your three circles, write a word or two in each circle to note what your body felt and what you were doing while you were in this brain state.

To help you with this practice, I would like you to imagine for a moment the Stoplight that I have drawn for myself. I hope that this will give you an example of what I am encouraging you to do. Please imagine a Stoplight with a medium sized Red circle on the top, a very large Yellow circle in the middle and a medium sized Green circle at the bottom. Do you have the picture in your mind? Now, please imagine that in the medium sized Red circle, I have written “yelling” and “clenched fists”. In the very large Yellow circle, I have written “easily frustrated” and “chest tightness”. In medium sized Green circle, I have written “relaxed” and “playing a game”. In each circle, I have written a word or phrase for what my body felt and what I was doing in this brain state. The sizes of your circles and the words that you write may be different than mine, but I hope that imagining my Stoplight can help you as you are drawing your own.

As always, the point of this exercise is NOT to condemn or bring any feelings of guilt or shame. It is simply to reflect and observe. It is meant to help you grow in awareness of your brain states, in how much time you spend in each brain state, in how each brain state feels in your body and in what each brain state looks like in your life. Becoming aware of our brain states is the first step in growing in emotional intelligence. I encourage you to try it out.

Thank you for listening to this episode of The Stoplight Approach Podcast. Please share, subscribe, rate and review this episode, as it will help other people find us. The Stoplight Approach offers many resources to help families, schools, churches and other groups to grow in their understanding of the brain and relationships. Please visit www.thestoplightapproach.org to learn more.